What a difference almost a year can make!
Wide Open Spaces
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Tag Archives: his turn
Where to go from here…
Over the last couple weeks, I have seen moments where C looks like a healthy 8 year old, who can do anything, and other days, he looks like he did when we began treatment for EPM. The entire journey is daunting and heart wrenching…but how can I give up hope when, according to the numerous veterinarians and the countless journals, he is not in pain? And when his eyes light up when he sees me? And when he rolls around in the snow? Or is laying in the sunshine? Or when he gobbles up his food? Or when I see him close his eyes and hear him let out a sign while I groom him? Or hear him whinny? Or run around in the field? I can’t. I won’t. Not after the 15 years he gave me- doing the work, moving with me, being my buddy. I owe him. So, the endless hours of research will continue, as it has with each hurdle over the many months. Fingers crossed.
“I will not get on that trailer!”
The treatment crisis terrified me. I decided to try to get Chance to the hospital.
Tried I did. For a total of 8 hours over the course of two days.
WE TRIED EVERYTHING!
Treats, grain, Quietex, walking, crossing lead ropes, talking, begging, pleading, more treats, another horse, a different loading angle, backing the trailer up to the barn doors, and 100000 other things. I even rubbed lavender oil on his face. After about 5 hours of trying calmly to coax him, I stopped.
The next day I decided to try it alone…just me and Chance….maybe the group of people was too scary? I noticed his ataxia was worse and remembered that stress can increase the symptoms. So, he and I walked and talked and I let him smell the trailer. Very low key. After 3 hours of walking and talking, he finally walked up the ramp…and decided, nope! That is when I knew that this wasn’t worth it.
He was scared and confused and that was okay. We will figure out what to do from here, like we have with every other obstacle over the last 6 months.
“Ask him what he wants…you will know what to do from there.”
When I arrived at the farm I was greeted by those familiar big brown eyes and a whinny.
I brought him out of his stall and gave him a bath. He has always loved to be groomed and bathed, even if he is apprehensive to walk into the wash stall. After his bath, we went outside for him to graze and get some sunshine. When we walked inside the barn, I stopped him and looked into his eyes and asked him, “do you want to keep trying to get better or are you ready to give up?” He just looked at me. A lump immediately formed in my throat. He nuzzled me and rubbed against me. I said again, “Do you want to keep fighting?” He shook his head up and down! I swear to you! This actually happened!
The decision was made, we would keep on fighting as long as we were able to keep him comfortable. There was nothing I wanted more than to bring him home with me, let him live out the last days of his life pain-free, and with me by his side.
This was his turn. He had always done what I asked of him- lessons, moving stables and even cities, and he was patient while I was in school- and it was his turn for me to make it about him. For Chance to get every ounce of my time and for me to fight for him!
Coming Home to Love & Peace
Chance was able to come home a week later. Sam & John went to pick him up at the hospital. However, upon arriving, they soon found out that Chance did not want to get on the trailer. Sam later told me that one of my sweatshirts was in the truck, so she brought it out and let him smell it- he finally loaded.
I got his stall ready- tons of fresh shavings, hay, a new water bucket…
The moment he got off of the trailer he was shaking! I gave him a warm bath and let him out in a small, flat paddock so he could be in the sunshine.
This is what happened when I let him out! He did something he had not been capable of doing for months and months, if not longer.
The Chances We Take 