Tag Archives: decisions

GRIT

A while ago, one of my good girlfriends, sent me an article about perseverance; why some are able to withstand tremendous adversity while others can’t? The article referred to this concept of an individual’s strength to endure life’s obstacles, to succeed in the face of adversity, to remain positive and continue to move forward despite what is thrown ones way, as Grit. Those who are able to endure the obstacles-have it- and those who are unable to endure- don’t.

“In a recent article published by People in Aid, Scott Breslin argues that grit, and not just resilience, is a key component for aid workers. Grit is defined ‘as perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Grit entails working strenuously toward challenges, maintaining effort and interest over years despite failure, adversity, and plateaus in progress’ (Duckworth, et al. 2007: 1087-1088). Resilience instead is the human capacity to bounce back from difficult experiences.” (See more at: http://mindfulnext.org/aid-work-is-not-a-survival-contest/#sthash.OsqxZNnG.dpuf)

I can’t help but wonder if the concept of Grit may also apply to our four-legged friends? Because I am pretty sure that Chance has it. What makes living things able to remain positive and enthusiastic and continue to persevere despite being in tremendous pain?

I am truly humbled every time I look at Chance and I see a 25+ year old horse who has lived for years with painful flare-ups without a known cause…yet even at his absolute worse, he was still engaged in life…eating, whinnying, trying to run and play, giving kisses for treats…and now, after a year of ups and downs, triumphs and tribulations, stumbles and falls, medications and supplements, pokings and probings, needles and adjustments, samples and tests, and changes in just about every aspect of his life, he is finally in a healthy place!  (He is no longer on pain medications daily.  He maybe gets a dose a month or so. And does not have bouts of lameness or swelling).

What enables him to remain his calm and happy self despite all of the above?  How was he not biting and kicking with every prick of a needle?  How is his soul still gentle? How was he determined to walk up a small hill a year ago and now is able to run up that very same hill?  He loves every second of his life.  This may sound odd, but my old guy revels in every single second of his day.

He whinnies the moment I pull up into the driveway and greets me.  He devours every ounce of grass he can.  He often follows his friend and co-caretaker, John, to feed the chickens in the morning. He yells for his buddy, Lucky, when he can’t find him.  He runs every where he is able to including back and forth from the house to the barn- racing with Lucky.  He rolls around in the grass, the snow, or mud.  He will lay in the green grass basking in the sunshine.  He investigates everything around him.  And each and every time he stumbles, or even falls, he gets right back up and tries again.

To me, that is the essence of Grit…to keep on trucking through life with a soft heart and grateful and determined soul.

Duckworth, A. Peterson, C. Matthews, M., Kelly, D. (2007) “Grit: Perseverance and Passion for Long-Term Goals”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 92(6), 1087-1101.

First Time In Over A Decade….

I was able to throw on a saddle and get on Chance!  He is finally strong enough for me to “ride”….and by “ride” I am referring to walking around in a ring.  We walked in circles and figure eights and over some ground poles for about 15 minutes.  It was absolute bliss!

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Sadie followed us around the ring the entire time...

Sadie followed us around the ring the entire time…

and Lucky stood by and watched!

and Lucky stood by and watched!

What He Has Taught Me Through Our Journey

It is amazing to me that it is coming up on a year from the day that I received a phone call about Chance’s health! As I think back over the many months of diagnostics, research, hyper vigilance, wishes, decisions, stressors, and connection- I am truly amazed.

I am amazed at Chance’s strength.  He never gave up; he kept on fighting.  No matter how sore, tired, or sick Chance was there was ONE thing that remained- his gentle and determined soul.  He never seemed deterred by the obstacles in front of him whether the obstacle was a hill, walking a straight line, or walking in general; he just kept trying each and every day.  He showed kindness to the numerous vets who poked and prodded him; never once trying to bite or kick at them. Chance did not give up throughout this tiresome and seemingly, never ending journey.  He persevered.  We persevered.

Every single day I am grateful that I have been able to spend this time by Chance’s side; to reconnect and go through this journey together.  We have made up for the time lost while he was in Forest, VA. If today was Chance’s last day, I can honestly say that I would be at peace.  I wouldn’t have been able to say this a year ago.

Over the last year, while the journey was overwhelming, sad, tiresome, and at times, heart wrenching, I was able to witness Chance become a horse.  That may sound strange, but after enduring the many years of pain medications and intermittent bouts of lameness and Lymphangitis, I saw a horse that was not able to 100% enjoy his life.

And for the first time, I have seen him doing the very opposite, I have seen him enjoying life. Life as a horse. I’ve seen him running in the pastures, laying in the sunshine, rolling in the snow. I’ve seen him make friends, eat warm bran mash, and devour his hay. I’ve heard him whinny and I’ve seen the light come back into his eyes.

For that, I am truly grateful.  I can say without a shed of a doubt, I have no regrets about the decision I made a year ago, no matter how difficult it may have been.

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Progress

Chance BEFORE tendon injury diagnosis (I need to find the video where he was at his worse)

Chance AFTER Stem Cell Treatments

After 1 round of EPM Treatment

 Chance AFTER 2 rounds of EPM Treatments (Need to get a better video) Before there was no way he would have been able to get up that hill.

Update!

After two rounds of EPM treatments, stem cell injections, acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, testing, antibiotics, ultrasounds, blood work, adding DuraLactin….Here is a video of Chance yesterday!  He has gained a lot of weight back and hopefully, with the addition of the Rice Bran in his feed, he will continue to gain weight!

Yet Another Obstacle

Chance has been doing great since his Stem Cell treatment.  He has not had a single flare up of Lymphangitis since he arrived in Sperryville.  He no longer stocks up when he stays inside due to weather. He is gaining weight.  AND he has not been on daily pain medication! He is finally happy, healthy, and pain free!

Until one day I noticed that he began twisting his back right leg inward at the walk.  I figured that it was due to the long term injury to the DDFT and lack of muscle on that side.  I asked Vet4 and he agreed.  I called the farrier, who had previously worked on Chance when we arrived in Lynchburg many years prior, and he did a more supportive back shoe.  The shoes seemed to help a bit- Chance’s twist was less extreme.

A few weeks later, I realized that I needed to find a local vet due to Vet4 being 2 hours away.  I called and Vet5 came out.  She watched Chance walk down a small hill and immediately said, “He is a wobbler!  We need to test him for EPM.”  I tried to justify Chance’s ataxia by suggesting that he was walking down a hill, after a long standing injury, and it was a bit muddy.  And, to be perfectly honest, I was a bit peeved!  My horse did NOT have EPM!  Not after all he had already been through!  He was healthy!  He just needed some rehab to rebuild the muscle.  I was thinking to myself, that EPM was the first condition that I had addressed with Vet1.  The very same diagnosis he had shot down.  There was no way….

Well, we tested him anyway.  I convinced myself that the test would come back negative.

I began to do what I do best- hours of research. The journals and articles I read said, that while 50% of horses have come in contact with contaminated feed, only 1% actually develop symptoms!  1 PERCENT!  The Protazia attack the CNS, eventually moving from the spinal cord to the brain.  Symptoms can, and will, differ from horse to horse, but usually a horse with the parasite on the spinal cord shows lameness and ataxia on one side of the body (usually hind end).  Where as horses whose brain has become infected, show anything from paralysis of the face, to personality changes, choking, difficulty chewing, etc.

A week or so later, I received a call that Chance did have EPM!  I was heartbroken! And, honestly, I was angry!  Angry at Vet1 for dismissing my initial thoughts about Chance having EPM!  I was reassured that he was not in any pain, but in order to ensure his safety, we needed to get him on medication ASAP!

Again, hours of research…looking at the different medications (Protazil, Marquis, etc) and the outcomes and side effects.

I called the vet I trusted with my horse’s life, Vet4, and he walked me through what should be done.

Spoke to Vet4 ie EPM results:
He state there were two choices- Marque and Protazil & typically he sees an improvement with 85% of horses.

Plan:
Day 1: DMSO and Banamine
Day 2: Same
Day 3: Same
Day 4: Begin Protazil with DMSO and Banamine

After reading about my opinions, I was inundated with talk about what is referred to as, “the treatment crisis”.  Some horses will begin the medication and, due to the kill off of the parasite, their body reacts with severe inflammation.  Some horses will collapse and not be able to get back up, and others will have an increase in their initial EPM related symptoms.  This scared me.  I did not want Chance to fall and be laying there all alone for hours; I wanted him to be under 24/7 watch.

Vet4 said that If I wanted to trailer him to the hospital, I was looking at around $1500.00 for one month.
~$800.00 (1 month)
~$700 (1 month) board

Typically, the outcome of the medication, when EPM is caught early, is a decrease in 2 grades of Ataxia.  Chance was deemed a 3 on the Ataxia Scale.

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Going, Going…..

GONE!

Chance’s fever is still at bay, the swelling is almost gone, he is sound, eating, and the light has come back into his eyes!!!

I quickly tried to set up a trailer to haul Chance to the hospital where he would begin further diagnostics and treatments.  I would have taken him soon if I felt that he was stable enough to withstand the haul.  But he was too unsteady until now!

It took a few days, there was a trailer and someone to haul him (thanks to Vet3) and we had him on his way to the hospital!  I was there waiting for him to arrive.

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Waiting Games

We began Baytril on 8/16.  The next day Chance came in from pasture with NO fever, NO trouble walking, but also NO appetite- eating a little grain, hay stretcher, peppermints and the swelling worse.

Chance got Compounded Baytril- 2 scoops with feed previous pm. Vet3 advised us to give another dose of Baytril but Chance won’t eat (most likely due to the taste of the Baytril in feed previous night. But Vet3 believes it is due to his pain). So, we gave another dose of Banamine/10 cc (am and pm) and Tridex- 1 packet. Iced 2x/kept in/ wrapped both hind legs with boots.  And the waiting game begins!

Research, Research, Research

Tendon Injury Handbook

After I left the barn, I drove home and went straight to my computer.

What was happening?  What are the masses? Scar tissue?  Nothing was able to be extracted out of them…How can I get rid of them in order to see behind them?

Again, I stayed up until the sun came out the next morning.  I already had two binders full of research and now I had a third.

Research made me believe that C has an infection in the Synovial Tendon Sheath that was being masked by the masses on the outer lining of the SS. The masses could be scar tissue from his MANY past Lymphangitis flare-ups. Perhaps, his immune system was not able to fight last attack and the infection settled in the SS and was walled off.  Thus his CBC & WBC were normal and no fluid was extracted from SS masses due to the large size of the scar tissue.
C has a major hx with his RH and “flare-ups” and lameness. I never realized this until I took the time to study his past records from the first 5 years I owned him.

Symptoms are similar to an infection- what if we proceeded as if it were?
Lack of a positive culture does NOT mean that there is not an infection in the sheath!

Current Symptoms:
1. Swelling decreases after being active
2. Fails to extend fetlock
3. Lame- exasperated by flexion
4. Positioning for fetlock flexion

Septic Synovitis: Cartilage degradation ischemia, Fibrin deposition lead to lameness to pannus form and adhesive form

Entrobacteriacaea
Strep
Staph
Most common is Staph

Treatment: 

Systematic Procaine Penicillin 22000 iU/kg or Sodium Benzyl Penicillin & Gentamicin 6.6 mg/kg for 2-9 days

Then change to oral potentiated sulfonamides 5mg.kg Trimethoprim and 25 mg/kg of Sulphadiazine

Other potassium penicillin w/ Amikacin Cectiofur or Enrofloxacin

IV antibiotics for 7-10 days switch to oral for 2 weeks

Regional limb profusion or placement of impregnated Polymethyylmethacralate or PMMA

I immediately called Vet4 and told him my theory.  He said that it was possible and that we should begin treatment asap.  He was still out of town so I called Vet3 to order Baytril. Vet3 felt my theory was legit and immediately ordered the antibiotic!

“Ask him what he wants…you will know what to do from there.”

When I arrived at the farm I was greeted by those familiar big brown eyes and a whinny.

I brought him out of his stall and gave him a bath.  He has always loved to be groomed and bathed, even if he is apprehensive to walk into the wash stall. After his bath, we went outside for him to graze and get some sunshine.  When we walked inside the barn, I stopped him and looked into his eyes and asked him, “do you want to keep trying to get better or are you ready to give up?”  He just looked at me.  A lump immediately formed in my throat.  He nuzzled me and rubbed against me.  I said again, “Do you want to keep fighting?”  He shook his head up and down! I swear to you!  This actually happened!

The decision was made, we would keep on fighting as long as we were able to keep him comfortable.  There was nothing I wanted more than to bring him home with me, let him live out the last days of his life pain-free, and with me by his side.

This was his turn.  He had always done what I asked of him- lessons, moving stables and even cities, and he was patient while I was in school- and it was his turn for me to make it about him.  For Chance to get every ounce of my time and for me to fight for him!

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Coming Home to Love & Peace

Chance was able to come home a week later.  Sam & John went to pick him up at the hospital. However, upon arriving, they soon found out that Chance did not want to get on the trailer.  Sam later told me that one of my sweatshirts was in the truck, so she brought it out and let him smell it- he finally loaded.

I got his stall ready- tons of fresh shavings, hay, a new water bucket…

The moment he got off of the trailer he was shaking!  I gave him a warm bath and let him out in a small, flat paddock so he could be in the sunshine.

This is what happened when I let him out!  He did something he had not been capable of doing for months and months, if not longer.